just testing again
on my way out
Long time no type.
It has been a stressful, unpredictable week (you're probably thinking "that's what every week is like!" Well, this has been a bit different.
I am sitting in "my" classroom on a Friday afternoon waiting for my last student conference. The other teacher has returned to school and we are beginning to transition me out and her in. It has been awkward because I am still clinging to this class. I have become very attached and will probably need more time to let go. I have a few days of teaching full time before I am cut down to half days in the afternoon. I am leaving the planning up to her (for a.m.) because I am physically and mentally exhausted (and a little emotionally).
The physical comes from the day-to-day grind of teaching. The mentally comes from report cards, parent conferences, and the other teacher returning. The emotionally comes from the first two interfering with home life.
This is such a unique situation and my mind and body are not used to these unique stresses. Such is my uber-flexible teaching life!
After Thanksgiving, I will have to say good-bye to my little guinea pigs and introduce myself to another batch of scared, confused, (maybe even a little angry) students.
It has been a stressful, unpredictable week (you're probably thinking "that's what every week is like!" Well, this has been a bit different.
I am sitting in "my" classroom on a Friday afternoon waiting for my last student conference. The other teacher has returned to school and we are beginning to transition me out and her in. It has been awkward because I am still clinging to this class. I have become very attached and will probably need more time to let go. I have a few days of teaching full time before I am cut down to half days in the afternoon. I am leaving the planning up to her (for a.m.) because I am physically and mentally exhausted (and a little emotionally).
The physical comes from the day-to-day grind of teaching. The mentally comes from report cards, parent conferences, and the other teacher returning. The emotionally comes from the first two interfering with home life.
This is such a unique situation and my mind and body are not used to these unique stresses. Such is my uber-flexible teaching life!
After Thanksgiving, I will have to say good-bye to my little guinea pigs and introduce myself to another batch of scared, confused, (maybe even a little angry) students.
Fall Break!
Well, the week is finally over and Fall break is finally here. Today was total chaos, but expected. Even though most sane teachers would not try to get anything accomplished, I had a large writing assignment due today. Most of my students do not have access to a computer, so I allowed them to type it today. They were typing up until our Halloween party and we did not get a chance to read them in class aloud. I promised them we would do that after break.
Speaking of promises, I find myself making a lot of promises and not following through with all of them. It is a bad habit I picked up from teaching kindergarten because their attention spans and memories are so small. They never remember if I promised them something (unless it is candy or something).
Fifth graders hold you accountable for everything! It's good AND difficult to accept because I have so much to teach. When I am alone in my room, I have my plan and I stick to it. However, I am constantly getting "things" to do from other teachers that I am "advised" to do. Whether it is a Halloween writing prompt (today's project) or an activity, I find that I am squeezing these things in my schedule and not spending enough time on other things. This amounts to a lot of started projects with no endings in sight. Not a good thing with fifth-graders. I think this is part of the reason I feel I am beginning to lose control of my students. I find myself talking to a class of students who are all ignoring me. Blatant ignoring is NOT something I am used to. It angers me and hurts my feelings and makes me feel self-conscious as a teacher.
Now that the other teacher is coming back soon, I am worried about the obvious and unavoidable comparison that will be made. Am I am better teacher? Am I just a sub? Will the students like her more? Will they respond to her better? Is she a better teacher?
The answers to these questions (except for the first two) is probably YES. It is going to be a strange couple of weeks while I am slowly leaving and she is slowly entering. I have not told the students, yet, and plan to do so on Nov. 1. There is no reason to tell them before their break when it won't mean as much. I just hope, in the end, the students will feel that I taught them something useful, even if the REAL teacher is better.
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Speaking of promises, I find myself making a lot of promises and not following through with all of them. It is a bad habit I picked up from teaching kindergarten because their attention spans and memories are so small. They never remember if I promised them something (unless it is candy or something).
Fifth graders hold you accountable for everything! It's good AND difficult to accept because I have so much to teach. When I am alone in my room, I have my plan and I stick to it. However, I am constantly getting "things" to do from other teachers that I am "advised" to do. Whether it is a Halloween writing prompt (today's project) or an activity, I find that I am squeezing these things in my schedule and not spending enough time on other things. This amounts to a lot of started projects with no endings in sight. Not a good thing with fifth-graders. I think this is part of the reason I feel I am beginning to lose control of my students. I find myself talking to a class of students who are all ignoring me. Blatant ignoring is NOT something I am used to. It angers me and hurts my feelings and makes me feel self-conscious as a teacher.
Now that the other teacher is coming back soon, I am worried about the obvious and unavoidable comparison that will be made. Am I am better teacher? Am I just a sub? Will the students like her more? Will they respond to her better? Is she a better teacher?
The answers to these questions (except for the first two) is probably YES. It is going to be a strange couple of weeks while I am slowly leaving and she is slowly entering. I have not told the students, yet, and plan to do so on Nov. 1. There is no reason to tell them before their break when it won't mean as much. I just hope, in the end, the students will feel that I taught them something useful, even if the REAL teacher is better.
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untitled
I spoke with the principal today and he gave me a final update on my situation at the elementary school. The woman I am substituting for will return in the first week of November. Instead of letting me go, he has decided to hire me as a full-time sub until Thanksgiving. The idea behind this plan is to slowly ween her into the classroom while weening me out. At the start, she will be my TA and by Thanksgiving, I will be her TA.
This plan is much better than the alternative rumor that was floating around the school: to have me share the classroom as a half-day sub. NOT A GOOD IDEA! I guess I should be happier, but I think I am feeling angst about still not having a full-time primary teaching position.
The principal told me that he has already begun to spread the word about me and my teaching abilities. The secretary is committed to getting my resume out in the district in order to land me another long-term sub position for the end of the year. So, I am really hoping to have a teaching position by next year. PLEASE...PLEASE...PLEASE!
Fall break is next week. I am yearning for the break so that I can regroup myself and start anew next week. Until then, I am hanging on my a thread, just going through the motions.
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This plan is much better than the alternative rumor that was floating around the school: to have me share the classroom as a half-day sub. NOT A GOOD IDEA! I guess I should be happier, but I think I am feeling angst about still not having a full-time primary teaching position.
The principal told me that he has already begun to spread the word about me and my teaching abilities. The secretary is committed to getting my resume out in the district in order to land me another long-term sub position for the end of the year. So, I am really hoping to have a teaching position by next year. PLEASE...PLEASE...PLEASE!
Fall break is next week. I am yearning for the break so that I can regroup myself and start anew next week. Until then, I am hanging on my a thread, just going through the motions.
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the end is near
So, the end of my strange contract is almost here. I don't know if I fully explained my situation, but I am not a full-time, first-year teacher. I am a long-term substitute for a woman who hurt herself over the summer. My contract was open-ended with a reevaluation November 1. Well, it looks as though the woman is very anxious to return to her classroom, and so I must begin preparing myself (and my students) for my exit. I have a feeling that I will need more preparation than they will. Students are malleable and will adjust to anything and everything.
I am very sad, but I new this day would come. There is still a chance that her doctor will tell her that teaching is still off limits, but I the rumor is that she will be teaching half days. How will I share "my" classroom with another teacher? I would almost rather just give it back to her and walk away. It would be too painful to share.
This next week will be the deciding week...
In terms of teaching, things are going well. I am mentally "off" because I am dreading the end of my contract. Therefore, my organization and planning are beginning to slip. If I knew I would have the class for another month, my attitude would be different. It is difficult to stay committed to something you know is not going to last. I love my students and I do not want to leave, but if I have to, I will.
This is such a strange period because we are about to start a HUGE unit that will require tons of planning. Do I plan, or leave it up to her? That is the question.
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I am very sad, but I new this day would come. There is still a chance that her doctor will tell her that teaching is still off limits, but I the rumor is that she will be teaching half days. How will I share "my" classroom with another teacher? I would almost rather just give it back to her and walk away. It would be too painful to share.
This next week will be the deciding week...
In terms of teaching, things are going well. I am mentally "off" because I am dreading the end of my contract. Therefore, my organization and planning are beginning to slip. If I knew I would have the class for another month, my attitude would be different. It is difficult to stay committed to something you know is not going to last. I love my students and I do not want to leave, but if I have to, I will.
This is such a strange period because we are about to start a HUGE unit that will require tons of planning. Do I plan, or leave it up to her? That is the question.
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